Stay strong

I've been deactivated my Facebook,
I've done a bigger mistake in my life,
I annoyed people with my mistake,
I know no one is perfect but,
This is the first time I felt so wrong.

I've no idea how people think about me,
Pardon me to run through the mistake,
Maybe someone trying to scold me,
But I'm trying to awake myself...too.

I used the mistake to be perfect,
So that I promised myself,
Before I change myself,
I will never ever activate my account again.

I use my action to retrieve the fault,
I use anything to change people think about me,
I'm willing to be more perfect,
No matter how difficult I will tried!

Maybe I'm stubborn in my way?
What I've done just wanted to let go the mistake,
I'll be fine and stay strong,
Because I am Ng Yuen Sheng! =)

回忆

我们,天生都具备了某种天资,
有些人找到了他自己的天资,
有些人还在迷迷茫茫地找着,
感谢上天给了我个特别的天资.

虽然可以说是很与众不同,
也许那也不是什么天资,
但是我相信只要好好利用,
一切都不会一样.

记得曾经的神话传说吗?
曾经的我们有天使,天马,
但是长大后才知道原来我们,
曾经都住在自己的童话世界.

长大后我们才学会怀念以前的自己,
才回忆那曾经天真无邪的日子,
但是我们始终回不到过去了,
后来才后悔为何我那么不珍惜自己的岁月.

Letter for God :)

Dear God,
I've been a long time never talk to you.
God,I've some questions to ask,
God,give me a hint and lend me your hand,
God,You are the one who understand me.

God,you gave me a present,
It was amazing but then I get lost. :(
I don't know does it really mean to me?
I don't whether I am the one who worth it.

God,I asked something from you before,
You gave me the things and I paid the price,
I like and love it but God,
I don't know how to get used. :(

God,I know something going worse,
I became fastidious,hot-temper and selfish.
But when I wrong I felt guilty,
Can you pardon me the fault of mine?

God,I'm trying to be good,
But realistic brought me down,
Sometimes I have to face the truth,
Not everything you put on effort can be success.

God,I lost the purpose for life.
What's the purpose for life?
Finish the duty and learn to be tough?
I believe I have an angel besides me and protect me.

Hot guy!!!

Normal person like hot guy and hot girl!
For sure I like that too!
Isn't it hard to get abs?
Have a strong feeling goona work out!!!

Heck ya!Six abs can kill for second!
Idiot!I never realized abs is important for a man!
A boy like me should under transformation!
Need to be man,not a boy anymore!

I believe girls like abs and boy likes too!
Cool!Abs is so magical!
Yuen Sheng,you need an abs too! :)
Should start working out now right?

Get the beat and hit it now!
Growth up plan works now!
I want to be a hot guy who girl and boy attract from me!

闲言闲语

有谁真的懂这部落格真正的意义呢?
部落格本来只是个让我发泄心情的地方,
但是天意才让我发现,
原来他不是出气筒,而是最了解我的地方!

其实我真的不懂我生存的意义是什么?
我也不懂自己逞强为了些什么?
也许是因为自己需要长大了,
我不能在奢忘别人对我的爱!

如果我哪天真的哭了,
请不要安慰我,
我不想因为别人同情而对我好,
我宁愿那人很我!
因为我说过我是吴悦胜!

我从来都不相信爱情,
就算那人有多么地爱你,
那人始终不会完完全全地爱上你的全部,
最爱自己的,始终还是自己!

我不奢望别人赞成我的看法,
因为我不信真有人可以了解我!
我要活得好好的...更好的!
我要告诉那些曾经亏我的人感到后悔!

我承认我嫉妒心很强,
也因如此我才已经努力地改进,
我要告诉大家,
我是最特别最强的!

回忆

曾经的我以为,
国名服务将会成为我,
人生中最难堪的回忆,
但是最后我真的错了!

我很怀念那时候,
失败时有人在左右,
拥有共同的话题,
一起被罚,一起努力,一起鼓励...

那个时候的自己虽然很奔溃,
但是却是我最积极的三个月,
我学会坚强,努力完成事情,
我学会放下一切,让自己变得更成熟.

我答应自己不再让别人担心,
有事情的时候虽然很懊恼,
但是愚蠢的我相信时间过了,
一切也会随风而飘,因为我相信,
快乐是给需要的人! =)

第一次自己动手洗碗,
第一次需要一个人喊口号,
第一次努力地往前跑,
第一次...离开家里三个月

许多的第一次让我长大了,
我变得更加的懂事，
我不在像以前那样爱触景伤感，
我不在像以前那样地...软弱。

还记得我害怕看见血液,
结果我偷走了自己的捐血表格,
还记得和朋友们走short cut,
被老师看到后我们还偷偷地跑进了厕所.

春风似旧花仍笑，人生岂得长年少？
时间真的过得好快啊!
过去已经过去了,
在怎么回忆也是过去了.

人生就是太多的回忆,
我们都无法牢牢抓紧回忆,
只能眼睁睁地看着回忆,
一天..一天..慢慢地消失.

生活!(久违的华文)

生活的目的是什么?
为了完成所有的任务?
一生中最不后悔的事情是什么?
拥有一个属于自己的家庭?

最近很疯狂地追看<犀利人妻>，
许多不懂的东西还真的开窍了呢!
原来爱情在人生中扮演那么重要的角色啊!
我还以为爱情只是人生中的一点乐趣!

曾经有人对我说我的思想很特别,
到底是哪里特别了呢?原来是我的爱情观!
何为人们说我的爱情观特别呢?
因为我把爱情想得太过天真了!

爱情没有谁对谁错，
错在与有时候自己爱上不该爱的人,
就如爱上了有夫之妇?
我懂这是不被允许的,但是你真的爱了能如何呢?

爱情也有很多种,一种叫着放手的爱,
你爱她的全部,只要她开心,
就算她爱的人不是你,你还是很快乐,
是否太笨了呢?当然不是!
爱情就是不可理喻的!

许多人认为我曾经恋爱过,
但是其实我真的未曾恋爱过,
我选择暗恋,
我宁愿那人不知道也不要因为这样我们的友情破裂!
暗恋很辛苦!但是,恋爱本来就很辛苦!

怎么说呢?也许我还是个长不大的小孩吧?
就算别人教我如何谈恋爱,叫我尝试,
但一切都只是纸上谈兵,
因为我还是过不了自己那关,
因为我也不想当第三者!

Fastidious!

I'm getting fastidious!Help!
Well,sometime facebook makes sense to me!
You know what?I just wanted to laugh sometimes.
Don't they know themselves well?LMAO!

"I'm handsome/pretty,tall and slim!",someone posted.
But I don't think that,
Because he/she has a big pot,shorter than me,
And sorry to say that you're not pretty/handsome. :[

I'm not trying to sarcasm them,
I just telling the truth, :]
I'm not mean and I've the right to talk! :)
Well,well!Maybe someone will hate but I don't care. :p

Btw,the people won't feel shame,
And I feel so pathetic to them,
Because you all are coward,
Doesn't really want to face the truth.

They are right,I've no choice to stop them,
But don't you think that you are making a big joke to everyone?
And sometime a joke really humiliated yourself.
Wake up la!Come on,don't be so lame.

Anyway,I'm not against anyone,
I just say what I really want to say.
At the end,if you agree with me,then I'm happy on that,
But if you don't,I feel so sorry to you.
Well,enjoy!That was my new update! :)

Crap!

Don't say you understand me!
I don't really understand myself!
Nothing I have think about!
Maybe I just starving!

I am under the punishment,
I ain't supposed to seek for a relationship,
But I am starving for love!
What should I do?

What the hell am I thinking now?
Damn it!My soul feel lonely!
Feel sick and lifeless,
Should I begin a relationship?

Seriously,
Nobody will believe that I'm single,
They thought I'm a player,
For sure I'm not!

Lost

I'm not a sucker,
I just...lost

I told myself,
I have tried to pretend nothing,
But isn't still okay to me?

I always the only one unnecessary,
I tried to deny,
But I saw it obviously,
Well,contradiction occurred.

Everybody have their friends,
And I do,
But I'm not really the necessary,
I make so much troubles!

I asked myself:"Don't you happy?"
I don't really answer yes nor no.
Maybe that's life.

Why "you" are coming back?
"You" just make me feel bad,
"You" destroying my mood,
I shall keep "you" down but I don't.

Seriously,I don't really know,
What am I worrying about?
What's the one that I go through?

Dear,I lost.

Brand new of myself!(Part 1)

It's so excited for me to write my blog again!
It's a new feeling to face my life!
It's a new beginning for me to love everyone!
Sucker has gone!Brand new is coming!


Well,I have no much to say,
What I wanted to say that's all inside the song!
That's no way for anyone to screw up my world,
Cause I don't really care about!

Smile is a magic!
That's a weapon to mess up your enemy mood!
That's an item that make your friends in happiness!
And darn something that trying to destroy your good feeling!

(*I'm not only smile,I'm crazy with my life!)

Who says I am not perfect enough?
Who cares what you think about me?
I'm just "beautiful" myself,
I proud of myself!


I won't going to imitate,
Although I'm trying to improve myself,
No one can replaced me!
Cause Baby I am firework!


Well,stop here first!Will be continue!

Life can be easier as we think

Rational is a way to solve something,
Confidential is a way to improve yourself,
Independent is a way to be strong,
Is there anyway to be more clever?

Where's my sound of heart?
Where's my kingdom?
Where's my world?
Where's the life I go through?

I will be louder one day,
I will be freedom one day,
Run out the rain,
Hear the sound of rhythm.

You decide your show,
You write your note,
You rock your life,
You sketch for you life.

Optimism is a key of happiness,
Satisfication is a key of happiness,
Feel the taste of success,
The victory will make you happy everyday.

I'm just no need a shoulder,
I just want to be a soldier,
I'm the edge of glory,
Ain't so far away from me.

Dance till the world end,
Sing till we die,
We can do whatever we wanted to,
Freedom is a space for me to joy.

:)

Where's the true love?
Where's the happiness?
I found it on animation,
The only pure.

Without any emotional,
Just only holding the hand,
The feeling cannot describe,
That's called love.

When you're down,
You feel her/him,
When you're happy,
You feel her/him.

The first person,
Always be you,
It's just like your heart,
Like a chain and soul.

You live out for her/him,
She/he is the only reason,
Only the reason to light up your life,
Only the reason to live.

Have you been felt your love?
I have it,
Only on my sweet dream,
And it happened frequently.

Imagination

Beautiful song comfort me,
Love make stronger,
Together face the fate,
Nothing will gonna separate us. :)

You will be prettier than before,
After tear were your smile,
Whenever,wherever,
Nothing gonna change the love we have.

It's true that realistic world,
It's difficult to find a love,
But it easier to find the love,
If you like to imagine.

When you're not here,
I comfort myself you're here,
When I'm down,
I tell myself I can't.

Destiny is a killer,
Changing the life we have,
No matter how tough at future,
At least I still have your hand. :)

Story

Life just like a story,
It may beginning and ending,
And in our life,
Maybe you've met someone you like,
Don't you?

Well!Would you believe one sight love?
Ya,I met someone like this before,
But at last I've no braver to chase her,
But I ain't regret before,
Cause it may be my good memories.

When i reached 30 years old,
Will you still remember me?
The people that I've been closer with you,
The people that I've been laugh on you.

When I was young,
I liked to imagine when I'm old,
But when I'm getting older now,
I revise the memories that's over.

An embrace doesn't mean anything,
But sometimes an embrace was important for someone,
You will never know you cheer me up before,
And now the days we're together have gone.

I'm so happy and you never know that,
At least I still have the memories,
At least I have your smile,
At least i still recognize your voice.

Tears,it never drop,
Agony,it's over,
Smile,it's still here,
And your hand is still warm. :)

Your love on verge of me,
But i couldn't take it,
Cause i know I've no enough strong to love you,
And I've no qualification to get you.

I saw you once inside my dream,
You are always smile on me,
You've never moody and always optimistic,
That's what you've,
And the way i love.

Storm is over from me and you,
We're not here anymore,
But i promise myself,
I won't even forget you.

Your smiles were powerful,
It's a medicine for me when I'm ill,
It's a star when the sky was dark,
And you're still beside me,
Although I'm clearly know that,
You're no longer here now. :(

无题

压力，无形的杀手，
侵袭别人的快乐，
抹杀别人的笑容，
缩小对爱的范围.

秋天盼望着冬天的到来，
最后却赫然地发现，
最想要的与追求许久的，
其实不是自己想要的.

贫苦人民用一滴血，
换取一份劳力，
千金小姐却用一滴泪，
换取价值连城的物品.

有谁不曾伤过？
有谁没有高潮起伏？
有谁曾经没有梦想？
但是有谁最后是最快乐的呢？

每人手中握着赌注，
命运总是在咱左右，
但是又有几个是被眷顾的呢？
不一定赌越大赚越多.

逃避一切能解决问题吗？
有时候不知道的事，
其实最理智地解决一切，
也许就是放手一搏.

I'm tired for pretending

When i was born,
I tried to stand up by myself,
Hold something tightly by myself,
And smile without evil.

I growth up every second,
I'm learning something news every times,
Including the emotional lesson,
It's necessary for me.

Never know our tomorrow,
Never expect our tomorrow,
Tomorrow is just an unknown,
We need to solve it wisely.

I still a human,
I have evil and also angel minded,
I dislike to envy,
But i can't control myself to miss someone.

Tears drop from our eyes,
And it can't solve everything,
Only the sweat you produced,
Is the way to prove yourself!

I felt tired,
Cause i want to stop myself from pretending,
But i just can't!
I felt depress when all genius beside me.

Maybe i make a wrong choice,
I'm going to an Elite class,
The problem is i ain't like them,
Have high knowledge and something else.

I am worse in English,
But i pretend myself have a basic of English,
I am worse in communicate,
But i pretend myself look like a stunner.

I'm tired for everything,
I just want to be myself!
I want to talk with Chinese,
I just want to joy with my friends!

A letter for God

When i talk to you,
I felt so strange and not like you,
Do you still the angel i meet?
God,you change my life again?

The individualistic is me or others?
Am i make wrong choice to do anything?
We still can look like before?
God,do you hear my voices?

God,you are the moon,
That's giving me a light during night,
Give me a hint when i need you,
And God do you still remember me?

I'm just half alive,
I need a survivor to take me from here,
I need someone take me from hell,
Save me from the abduction of evil.

My imagination is just an imagination,
I can't expect everything will be okay,
I'm just demanding i can solve this problem,
God,will you lend me your hand?

Isn't it a symptom of depression?
Once upon i became a slob,
I can't deny sometimes i'm too excited,
Is this a consequence to me?

Teacher,i'm so sorry,
Cause i never take your advice,
Friend,i'm so sorry,
Forgive the selfishness i have.

Winter storm have come,
It's darken my sun.
I lose my breath,
Searching for that open door.

I have nothing to do,
To relief the fault that i done,
To turn back my choice,
To give back my confident.

Isn't it that's not a time to think about it?
I think i should look forward,
No matter what i needed to face,
I have be brave to face it.
May God bless me.

成长

随着年龄的增长，
我们渴望的事情多了，
烦恼也渐渐多了，
因为我们总是太多选择…

长大了的自己，
对某些事情的渴望大了，
因为我从未对人心动，
也不曾为任何人打开心胸…

我就只会逃避事情，
提及爱情我就回避一切，
但哪天有谁动了自己的心，
也许那就是新生活的开始吧？

我很幸运因为我从小别人疼，
我鲜少独自一人解决事情，
就因如此天待人公平，
没有爱情却有友情…

依赖性强的我也许没资格爱，
因为我还没能力保护另一半，
虽然外在看起来坚强，
其实我内心是很脆弱…

曾几何时，
我不爱对人说心事，
因为越大的自己越复杂了，
有很多无法被原谅的事情…

但是我坚信雨后肯定会出现彩虹，
人生也会有我当主角的一天…

Love

I thought my life was going happy,
But i just realize that i have made a wrong choice,
Cause maybe it's the beginning of something,
And it may harm me from something.

When you love someone,
You will give up when she/he got another love,
But sometimes we will interrupted the relationship,
And this complicated relationship may occur.

People like you to show that how much you love her/him,
And i have receive a funny answer,
It was:I love you as you love me,
I need you as you need me.(What the?)
But i think this is the best answer forever.

Human always do a wrong choice,
And sometimes not apologize can ended up the problem,
Just like you accept a wrong relationship,
And you have no idea to break up with her/him.

Anyway,I fear from love,
I hope it won't always messing up my feeling,
My teenage dream is still available,
So sometimes i still look childish. xD

when...

Did you felt stress before?
Isn't it quite painful for us?
When we are having stress,
Will you had negative thinking?

Women like to cry when she felt stress,
Men like to drunk for calming his feeling.
Of course we are not longer in stress,
But all people have to experience this.

Sometimes,
We felt sad or had down mood for unreason,
Isn't it the environmental brought us the stress?
We always find happiness as a reason to move on.

Love is a poison that lose our mind,
Did you mad cause of love?
Human like to pretend their feeling,
And it causes us to lose the chance we love.

Not everybody have a happy ending on their life,
Not everybody know how to manage a family,
Not everybody have a creative minded,
Not everybody know that how to love.

My life full of imagination,
I never take effort for my relationship,
I don't know how to manage my relationship,
And i always ruin my relationship.

We are growing due to the time,
We are not younger than before,
And soon we will be parents,
And soon we have to fight for destiny.

We still have many challenging are waiting for us,
And we need to personal growth to fight through,
And soon we need to be more mature,
And protect our children and family.

i'm just talking some craps

on the new generation now,
we are free to do what we wanna be,
cause we are not tradition like last time,
come on!it's 21 century now!

maybe some people will disagree my opinion,
and they will refute what i'm saying,
whatever,i just like the way i live through,
because i was born this way!

rumors always besides us,
and it's due to the majority of social network,
we knew too much information on website,
do you agree that?

it's giving me a chance,
to know more the culture of other country,
and we can be more open,
in many of field in this century.

did the network interrupted our thinking?
on my opinion,my answer was yeah!!
it makes many peoples prematurity now,
and i think we need more educate about sex.

i think the sex issue wasn't a problem in Malaysia,
the percentage of pregnant at teenager,
is higher at western countries,
i think we really need more educates about that.

of course,i seems that,
some countries are legally on homosexual,
but you know what?
who cares that you are homosexual,straight,bisexual or otherwise,
we just be myself,don't feel ashamed.

"bitch" this word was rude,
but if you are,so what?
if you enjoyed one night stand or sex party,
you just do it.

that's all what i want to say,
i think it's too over for someone,
i apologize here if i violate some people,
i hope you all will like my blog.

special!!!

i am a BETRAYER!!!
will i going to betray God?
oops!!that's a serious thing,
i think i can't do it.

i like evil this few days,
because vampire is an evil,
they suck people blood for life,
can i drunk blood like vampire?

mood swing occurred this few days,
i can't really calm me down,
when i think about car test,
my mind will ask me think about another thing.

i can't control it sometimes,
i'm sad i'm afraid,
i'm overthinking and having depression now,
sometimes i hope myself rest in peace.

lady gaga song was my reminder,
she reminds me must sustain until the end,
she reminds me must do it for myself,
we are special if you live out yourself.

mother gaga was born in this way,
she lives in a complicated life,
but that's what she born,
she was born this way.

hurting myself wasn't a good idea,
i think living out myself was a good idea,
we never know what will happened at future,
let's we make a different for future.

i'm a fool,
sometimes i know that i'm are not suppose to do,
but i'm still doing that,
that's what am i.

because of that,
i am SPECIAL...



the journey still far away from me,
let's we make it easy.

when you are...

when you are trying to do something,
doesn't mean that you are the best,
because besides that,
your friends will do the same thing.

when you are full of tiredness,
not only you are the one very tired,
cause it's happen same thing on your friend,
and means that you are not the only one.

when you are insomnia,
you suppose to open the light,
and then start review your book,
cause nobody will success without effort.

when you can't get something,
please don't blame any people,
that's mean you still need to work hard,
for survive from this realistic world.

when you are abandon something,
you must pay the price,
cause you will never know,
something will become an important thing.

when you are addicted something,
that's mean you can't escape from there,
you can't ever to take effort for another thing,
and you will madly lose yourself.

when you live without tomorrow,
you can be rapid man in anything,
cause you never postpone anything,
and you done all the things.

when you are not prefect,
you must trying to find your weakness,
change your weakness can improve yourself,
and you will use it for future.

insane

i love you because you always beside me,
when i'm sad,you encourage me,
when i'm happy,you will take my happy,
when i felt alone,you will beside me.

you are the only one that never betray me,
you are the only one that always beside me,
you are the only one that always support me,
and you are the only one that never fail to love me.

i won't giving up to find you,
you just like a mystery girl,
cause i never know who are you,
you are the one that comfort me inside the dream.

i know you just an imagination,
how come i'm just can't forget you,
my effort make me to chase you,
but how do i chasing you?
because you just an imagination.

dream girl?mystery girl?
sometime i can't differentiate it,
cause you make me confuse,
you make me feel happy.

don't know why?
i fall in love with my dream,
isn't it a symptoms that i'm going crazy soon?
but i don't mind,
cause it doesn't matter.

perhaps me can live without you,
how do i live with you?
that's only a question mark on my heart,
cause i can't go with you,
and i never abandon you.

that's what i'm loving you

Jesus!you are trying to ruin my world,
you're damn beautiful,
you are losing my mind,
my effort is your effort.

i'm starving to get you,
i'm starving that you talk with me,
i'm expecting that you will love me,
i'm expecting that you will be with me.

your word is a power for me,
your sound is my soul,
your smile is my happiness,
and you are my everything.

such a beautiful girl was attracting me,
your beauty can't compare with each other,
i hope can staring on you every second,
i hope can beside you every day.

you might be my dream girl,
an awesome and beautiful girl,
i'm freaking crazy to love you,
i want to love you,
no matter what risking that i need to take.

but that's all only my imagination,
and it's only happened on my dream,
i'm just want a true love like this,
when were you(dream girl)coming here?

what's a weird dream?

i dream HER again and again,
i don't know who is she,
i never meet her before,
but i feel better when saw her.

she gives me some feeling,
the feeling was so cordial,
an awesome feeling when i saw her,
i'm curious that who is she.

a girl inside my dream stole my heart,
i am her boy friend inside the dream,
but it's just a dream,
when i wake up,
i'm only realize that's only a dream.

that's not the 1st time on my dream,
it's happened repeatedly,
and the dream was amazing real,
and she came to my dream yesterday.

i argued with my brother because of her,
(seriously,i don't have brother,)
the story start when we are friends,
i know her from internet,
and i don't know that she is my brother gf.

one day,my brother found i love her,
and my brother argue with me cause of her,
when i argue with him,
i'm just thinking about her.

lastly,i wake up. :)
what's a such weird dream?
hope can meet her at my dream again,
cause she's making me comfortable.

我就是我

有些人为了爱而痛，
有些人为了亲而痛，
有些人为了学而痛，
因为我们都有感觉。

中六生活终于开始，
我超期待开课的到来，
因为我会努力读书，
忘掉一切所有的痛。

读书算苦但不苦，
读书说累但不累，
读书有时候也是，
一种莫名的乐趣。

不爱看书的我，
何时与书有了一面之缘，
不懂，不晓也不知，
就因为机会让我选择了它。

处于花样年纪的我，
身边都是情侣好友，
但是为了我的前途，
必须将其视而不见。

我就是个疯狂的人，
总是作出些别人不相信的事，
总是挑战自我的极限，
总是做些无理取闹的事情。

因为自信与鼓励，
成为我任何事情的挡箭牌，
让我努力的往前冲，
我就是那种一股傻劲的人。

别人都害怕受伤与痛，
但是受过无数年煎熬的我，
已经成为一件习惯的事情，
也因如此冲劲也变得十足。

总是傻笑的自己，
现在感觉笑是种幸福，
可以让我遗忘一切，
就算是最痛的事情。

变

从今天开始，
我要改掉我以前的风格，
走出自己的阴霾，
展开新的一段挑战。

培养前所未有的自信，
丢掉那内向的性格，
抛弃那念旧的思想，
改掉那不严肃的性格。

最大的绊脚石就是回忆，
没事就回忆以前有多好，
没事就回忆以前是怎样，
回忆以前自己是如何取胜。

现在我懂得，
我回忆得越久，
代表我陷得越深，
反而看不见前方的路。

经过岁月刷洗的自己，
很快的就把我拉了出来，
现在的我不会在回忆，
反而觉得回忆是在浪费青春。

从不看书的我开始阅读后，
我发觉自己提升了不少，
而且还学了很多的事情，
感觉自己之前是多么的长不大。

我很谢谢国名服务，
它给了我现在的自信，
我现在做事情不再think negative，
然后我现在也比较乐观了。

我很谢谢写小说的作者们，
他们让我懂得什么才叫人生，
什么才是真正需要得到的，
什么才是真正我需要追求的。

以前的我会为过去的事情后悔，
但是现在的我已经不会了，
我只会向前看，
不管路多么地坎坷，
我也会用我的“自信”征服一切。

矛盾

当你要努力忘记一个人，
你需要付出许多的代价，
最大的代价就是难熬的时间，
而你会因缘分而重遇，
牵绊着的那痛苦会一瞬间回来。

太过有意义的回忆，
就算你如何执著的守住，
它还是会随着那残忍的时间，
慢慢地剥夺所有的一切。

命运就是如此，
越想记住的事情，
你会越快的忘记，
越不愿记住的事情，
反之你会难以忘记。

许多事情非常地矛盾，
你们相信命运吗？
问题是你相信的是:
命运是自己的？
还是命运早已注定？

以我的看法，
命运是自己掌控的，
如果你总是相信命运，
而不愿自己去实践一件事情，
那么与守株待兔有舍分别呢？
猎物是不会自己找上门的。

我不相信命运早已注定，
我只相信缘分早已注定，
我看过一个非常感人的故事，
也让我深深地相信世界真的有前世的存在。

我相信今世我遇到的情人，
会是我前世的情人，
在茫茫网海里因缘分，
与他再续前世的爱情。

如果我今世找不到真爱，
那么我相信我的情人，
在王泉之下，
等我在一次的一起去投胎。

虽然这有些迷信，
但是缘分也是科学所不能解释的。

what is love?

what is love?
it has many answers from different people,
but for me,
love is just like a drug,
you will never return back when taking it.

i never expect that i can find my love,
love is just like a sky for me,
i can't touch it and never touch it,
it just like a mystery,
i'm curious about that but i can't find that.

on my future,
i never plan for weeding and falling in love,
cause i love my single life so much,
my love is freedom and it never change for me.

in drama,in movie and novel,
the hero is falling in love with heroine deeply,
and can't live without her,
i'm really curious what's the feeling that,
we live for others.

love is so special for everyone,
someone can't live without love,
love song also full of sweetness,
i'm really don't know what's the feeling?

love just like a donut,
i never taste it so that,
i never feel what's the taste,
and maybe i will never take it,
my love knowledge only reach kindergarden level.

11/4/11

兜兜转转，
我似乎又回到了以前，
回到了那个孤单的我，
及无法接受别人的我...

曾经我是多么希望，
身边会有很多喜欢我的朋友，
身边会有很多聊不完的知己，
身边会有很多陪我一起的好友...

到头来还是我一个人，
一个人自己在自作自受，
一个人自己在欺骗自己，
我根本不是大家想象的那么幸福...

老实说我很谢谢家人对我的爱护，
谢谢陌生人给我的称赞，
谢谢“朋友”给我的鼓励，
但是到头来一切都是假的...

我生命中的排行榜，
1.朋友 2.家人
结果我发现自己真的大错特错了，
原来我注重的却不注重我，
而我忽略的那个才是永远不会背叛我的人...

我累了倦了真的很想休息，
我真的对“朋友”彻底的失望了，
原本我最信任的朋友变成了陌生人，
现在最信任的朋友居然只是欺骗我感情...

我真不知道自己还有谁了？
真的还有人可以让我信任吗？
我真的很累很累，
为什么到处都是诈欺游戏？

我以为只要假装单纯，
别人自然而然也对我单纯，
但是我错了，
这个世界完完全全就是互相利用的...

还好现在的我很坚强，
我不会在像以前这样躲在角落，
我不会在像以前这样逃避现实，
现在我要做的是你不仁，我不义，
我现在只能见招坼招...

居然你们选择这样的结果，
那么我也只好对你们不客气了，
原来我根本就不应该把心放出来，
是时候把心收起来，
从新做我的-冷血胜...

just answer the question

1)you change a lot,you become cool,
you like a stranger in front of me,
you like never have friend with me,
what happened to you?

ans:ya,maybe i change lot,but you never know,
why i become strange?why i become cool?
you know that?that's my attitude change or you?
think about it seriously,i don't want to repeat again.

2)heard that you got girl friend inside the camp,
is it true?beautiful not?

ans:false,i never have girl friend inside the camp,
if she is my gf,for sure she is a beautiful girl.

3)you become a people that easy to angry,
you are not like before,
is it a good thing for you?

ans:maybe,cause this is human being,
and i'm a normal guy and have emotion,
nobody can stopping my feeling.

The LATEST question:
4)how about your result?how many A's you get?

ans:result extremely bad and i get how many A's,
that's not your business,stop asking me,
you all make me feeling extremely bad.

conclusion:i know i'm not a good friend,if you know that then don't expect that i will treat you well when you treat me as well.i can't promise anything cause i don't like people always finding me and i will treat you as busybody so don't do any stupid thing.anyway,same thing happening also.i treat somebody as well and the people just treat me like a shit.never mine.i know that already.i will never open my heart to anyone AGAIN!!!

friends?SPM result?

tomorrow is the SPM result release day,
many of them were afraid and nervous about that,
seriously,i still feel nothing,
is that any problem occur on me?

i hate the feeling what i having today,
it's so weird and it's damn bad,
my thinking like having a war
argue about something stupid...

i know i'm always thinking about issue friend,
cause friend was very important for me,
i hate the feeling of betray,
and i never got friends when small...

seriously,i have no friend when small,
i'm always feel alone and,
i must be strong that time,
and finally i did it until now...

i'm happy cause when i sad,
i have many friends beside and,
i'm willing to share my secret with them,
and i felt some warm since that time...

when small,i never been respected by others,
they thought i'm a stupid guy,
and they don't like to talk with me,
anyway,i didn't care at all...

i never participate anything,
cause i never been found by any teacher,
and i have to fight myself with friend when small,
and i never have friends to help me...

i'm afraid to go secondary school,
because i'm afraid the things will happen again,
but i change myself because of destiny,
and finally i done it...

so i care about my friend,
friends were very important for me,
i don't want to go back the moment that i have no any friends,
seriously,it's so suffer that time,
so i have no childhood memory actually...

忆...

我从那我之前所说的地狱回来了，
但是此刻的心情却对那边依依不舍，
我完完全全的习惯了那儿的生活，
对我来是只有深深的后悔，
因为我总是那个说不听的小孩。

从那天回来之后，
我不在继续写日记，
因为我发现已没有什么有趣的事情发生，
我已过回了以前吊儿郎当的生活...

要是时间可以重来的话，
我有许多许多的事情想要去尝试，
我曾经的害怕及胆小，
唆使我停留在原地...

我始终还懂得理智，
我懂人生没有第二次，
所以只能把以前的遗憾变成教训，
把我所做不好的事情做得更加好...

回忆总是抹杀我情绪的祸首，
我很害怕每当开启电脑，
眼前所留下的是我深深遗憾的事情，
是我从没去享受过的国名服务...

以前的我总自以为是，
什么都喜欢独自行动，
但是只从我在那边遇到了许多好友之后，
我才发现人真的需要朋友...

原来被朋友承认是件很快乐的事情，
原来朋友愿意相信自己是件很开心的事情，
原来与朋友一起犯错是件很爽的事情，
原来没有朋友的人才是最悲惨的...

最近的我开了电脑，
第一件会做的事情就是查看fb，
接着就是不断地上网寻找好影片，
因为我懂看电影可以让我心静下来...

看电影可以让我暂时停止乱想东西，
看故事书也达到如此的效果，
所以我最近重复的做这两件事情，
为的就是让忙碌来掩饰我那不舍之情...

我最近习惯了早睡早起，
我最近也变得很好吃，
我最近变得很好做事情，
因为我发觉我习惯了那边的生活...

现在所有一切都太晚了，
我只希望朋友们都过得很好...

还未去国名服务的朋友们，
国名服务其实没我们想象的那么差，
千万不要进了埋怨这个那个，
因为后果会像我这样，
带着一颗遗憾的心直到永远...

how are you?my friends...

dear friends:
how you all sincerely?
i hope you all can getting better day by day.
and i need to talk to a friend:
how are you now?
after plkn i never heard about your news anymore,
you just like disappear from my memory,
and i just hope you can be better than before.
seriously,i don't know that i'm your friend not?
anyway,i know my attitude make you feel angry,
but i have to say,
you always be my friend and maybe,
you never treat me like a friend.
never mind,i just hope that i can keep contact with you,
but seriously i fail to do so.
maybe you are busying for your new life?
maybe you are enjoying for your holiday now?
i don't know but i hope you all fine there.
lastly,i just want to say what i thinking now.
remember,i never regret that be a friend with you,
and i appreciate what the thing you give me,
and i appreciate that i have a prefect buddy during ns.
thanks to be a part of memory,my good friend.

dear plkn friends

for all my beloved friends,
i still remember the moment when we all together.
the first time that i knew that i have been selected to go plkn,
i felt sad,the sadness messed up my feeling,
i felt like the end of the year,
i felt wanna going there for die,
i'm afraid the future that never happen yet.
first day,i'm going register at rakan muda there,
and i remember that's a raining day,
and i register myself with full of moody,
and i cried for whole night before that day,
i tried to kill myself that time and lucky that i didn't.
i reached my campsite by bus,
i'm alone to face anything when the first day,
i'm afraid that i will making trouble,
i'm afraid that i can sustain until the end,
but that's all is only a beginning.
i tried to be prefect during this program,
i tried to be mature during this program,
i tried to be strong during this program,
and some target that i set early,
and i success it.
during this program i thought i will be ALONE,
but i didn't mentioned that i have many friends beside me.
still remember that i fail my "bless test" in the first time,
i fall down when the speed going fast,
i just wanna to be strong,
but i don't know why i still can't improve myself,
i JUST want prove that i'm also can done well!!!
but my friend didn't laugh me at all and support me until the end,
that's time i told myself must raise myself.
and until the end,i success it.
i'm happy that i can running non-stop,
i'm happy that i can doing many things that i never expected,
i'm happy that i have many friends that never avoid me.
during the program,i damn miss my home,
my mind and thinking all are about "home",
but i'm felt regret now,
cause i never appreciate the moment that together with my beloved friends,
cause i never think about my friends and thought i'm ALONE,
my friends make me strong and i will never forget,
i appreciate what's the thing that given by God,
and i will never forget that what happening inside the camp,
we eat together,sleep together,gossip together and so on,
i will never forget i'm always joke with my friend,
i will never forget that i'm always disturb the people who trying to sleep,
i will remember all the things that happening inside this program.
i never expected that i will cried today,
i tried to control my feeling but seriously,
i fail to do so and i cried like a kid today,
and i felt sad and pain when leave my friends,
i'm afraid that i won't meet them again,
i'm afraid that i will forget what we done together,
but now,the end of the story,
it's become a history and i won't happened again,
may God bless me can meet my friends again.
i will never forget that i have an awesome memories.
i can't mentioned that i became mature than before.
(i'm weak in english,i hope you all can understand what i wrote)

挣扎...

原以为只要努力，
我们就能改变自己的命运，
但是我还是错了，
最后我还是被命运操控...

去年受到了国名服务通知，
我整个人几乎快奔溃了，
那个时候还是考试时间，
根本就没有心情在考试...

那悲哀的感情我不懂，
那悲哀的心情谁懂？
那怜悯的眼神自己给，
那可悲的命运还是要面对，
这就是我们所谓的现实...

我的脑总是浮现了许多的疑问，
我在不断地问自己，
我在懊恼着些东西，
我心中压抑着一个不能说的秘密...

有时候为了寻找答案，
我会不惜一切付出代价，
有时候为了面对现实，
弄得我全身都是伤...

以前的自己总是有朋友，
但是毕业了后，
我总是找不到一个说话的人，
因为我忘了什么是友情...