I'm so sorry that I loved you

Are you just kidding me?
I laughed and mocked to myself.
Seriously?Had mood swing because of a dream?
I just realized that how much you can influence me.

So happy that you've been in my dream,
We're chatting and enjoying the time,
You're still like the past,so beautiful and charming,
And the dream was so surreal,
I can't actually move out from that dream.

When I was actually woke up that time,
Damn,I'm starting to miss the one..
The one that I said I will letting go.
And the truth that,you'll never ever love me back.

I don't know what should I do now?
Because I can't even maintain our friendship,
I thought I was the one you already accepted in,
But I just realized that you never...
I'm nothing mean to you at ALL!

I don't know,I can't think further,
I've no dare to think more as well,
Because I'm afraid that I can't handle it,
I'm not a man,I'm just a BOY!

God,I'm so tired,
Why I don't deserve anyone?
What's going on to me?
What should I do to make myself become someone..
Someone who deserve to be loved?