11/4/11

兜兜转转，
我似乎又回到了以前，
回到了那个孤单的我，
及无法接受别人的我...

曾经我是多么希望，
身边会有很多喜欢我的朋友，
身边会有很多聊不完的知己，
身边会有很多陪我一起的好友...

到头来还是我一个人，
一个人自己在自作自受，
一个人自己在欺骗自己，
我根本不是大家想象的那么幸福...

老实说我很谢谢家人对我的爱护，
谢谢陌生人给我的称赞，
谢谢“朋友”给我的鼓励，
但是到头来一切都是假的...

我生命中的排行榜，
1.朋友 2.家人
结果我发现自己真的大错特错了，
原来我注重的却不注重我，
而我忽略的那个才是永远不会背叛我的人...

我累了倦了真的很想休息，
我真的对“朋友”彻底的失望了，
原本我最信任的朋友变成了陌生人，
现在最信任的朋友居然只是欺骗我感情...

我真不知道自己还有谁了？
真的还有人可以让我信任吗？
我真的很累很累，
为什么到处都是诈欺游戏？

我以为只要假装单纯，
别人自然而然也对我单纯，
但是我错了，
这个世界完完全全就是互相利用的...

还好现在的我很坚强，
我不会在像以前这样躲在角落，
我不会在像以前这样逃避现实，
现在我要做的是你不仁，我不义，
我现在只能见招坼招...

居然你们选择这样的结果，
那么我也只好对你们不客气了，
原来我根本就不应该把心放出来，
是时候把心收起来，
从新做我的-冷血胜...

just answer the question

1)you change a lot,you become cool,
you like a stranger in front of me,
you like never have friend with me,
what happened to you?

ans:ya,maybe i change lot,but you never know,
why i become strange?why i become cool?
you know that?that's my attitude change or you?
think about it seriously,i don't want to repeat again.

2)heard that you got girl friend inside the camp,
is it true?beautiful not?

ans:false,i never have girl friend inside the camp,
if she is my gf,for sure she is a beautiful girl.

3)you become a people that easy to angry,
you are not like before,
is it a good thing for you?

ans:maybe,cause this is human being,
and i'm a normal guy and have emotion,
nobody can stopping my feeling.

The LATEST question:
4)how about your result?how many A's you get?

ans:result extremely bad and i get how many A's,
that's not your business,stop asking me,
you all make me feeling extremely bad.

conclusion:i know i'm not a good friend,if you know that then don't expect that i will treat you well when you treat me as well.i can't promise anything cause i don't like people always finding me and i will treat you as busybody so don't do any stupid thing.anyway,same thing happening also.i treat somebody as well and the people just treat me like a shit.never mine.i know that already.i will never open my heart to anyone AGAIN!!!

friends?SPM result?

tomorrow is the SPM result release day,
many of them were afraid and nervous about that,
seriously,i still feel nothing,
is that any problem occur on me?

i hate the feeling what i having today,
it's so weird and it's damn bad,
my thinking like having a war
argue about something stupid...

i know i'm always thinking about issue friend,
cause friend was very important for me,
i hate the feeling of betray,
and i never got friends when small...

seriously,i have no friend when small,
i'm always feel alone and,
i must be strong that time,
and finally i did it until now...

i'm happy cause when i sad,
i have many friends beside and,
i'm willing to share my secret with them,
and i felt some warm since that time...

when small,i never been respected by others,
they thought i'm a stupid guy,
and they don't like to talk with me,
anyway,i didn't care at all...

i never participate anything,
cause i never been found by any teacher,
and i have to fight myself with friend when small,
and i never have friends to help me...

i'm afraid to go secondary school,
because i'm afraid the things will happen again,
but i change myself because of destiny,
and finally i done it...

so i care about my friend,
friends were very important for me,
i don't want to go back the moment that i have no any friends,
seriously,it's so suffer that time,
so i have no childhood memory actually...

忆...

我从那我之前所说的地狱回来了，
但是此刻的心情却对那边依依不舍，
我完完全全的习惯了那儿的生活，
对我来是只有深深的后悔，
因为我总是那个说不听的小孩。

从那天回来之后，
我不在继续写日记，
因为我发现已没有什么有趣的事情发生，
我已过回了以前吊儿郎当的生活...

要是时间可以重来的话，
我有许多许多的事情想要去尝试，
我曾经的害怕及胆小，
唆使我停留在原地...

我始终还懂得理智，
我懂人生没有第二次，
所以只能把以前的遗憾变成教训，
把我所做不好的事情做得更加好...

回忆总是抹杀我情绪的祸首，
我很害怕每当开启电脑，
眼前所留下的是我深深遗憾的事情，
是我从没去享受过的国名服务...

以前的我总自以为是，
什么都喜欢独自行动，
但是只从我在那边遇到了许多好友之后，
我才发现人真的需要朋友...

原来被朋友承认是件很快乐的事情，
原来朋友愿意相信自己是件很开心的事情，
原来与朋友一起犯错是件很爽的事情，
原来没有朋友的人才是最悲惨的...

最近的我开了电脑，
第一件会做的事情就是查看fb，
接着就是不断地上网寻找好影片，
因为我懂看电影可以让我心静下来...

看电影可以让我暂时停止乱想东西，
看故事书也达到如此的效果，
所以我最近重复的做这两件事情，
为的就是让忙碌来掩饰我那不舍之情...

我最近习惯了早睡早起，
我最近也变得很好吃，
我最近变得很好做事情，
因为我发觉我习惯了那边的生活...

现在所有一切都太晚了，
我只希望朋友们都过得很好...

还未去国名服务的朋友们，
国名服务其实没我们想象的那么差，
千万不要进了埋怨这个那个，
因为后果会像我这样，
带着一颗遗憾的心直到永远...

how are you?my friends...

dear friends:
how you all sincerely?
i hope you all can getting better day by day.
and i need to talk to a friend:
how are you now?
after plkn i never heard about your news anymore,
you just like disappear from my memory,
and i just hope you can be better than before.
seriously,i don't know that i'm your friend not?
anyway,i know my attitude make you feel angry,
but i have to say,
you always be my friend and maybe,
you never treat me like a friend.
never mind,i just hope that i can keep contact with you,
but seriously i fail to do so.
maybe you are busying for your new life?
maybe you are enjoying for your holiday now?
i don't know but i hope you all fine there.
lastly,i just want to say what i thinking now.
remember,i never regret that be a friend with you,
and i appreciate what the thing you give me,
and i appreciate that i have a prefect buddy during ns.
thanks to be a part of memory,my good friend.

dear plkn friends

for all my beloved friends,
i still remember the moment when we all together.
the first time that i knew that i have been selected to go plkn,
i felt sad,the sadness messed up my feeling,
i felt like the end of the year,
i felt wanna going there for die,
i'm afraid the future that never happen yet.
first day,i'm going register at rakan muda there,
and i remember that's a raining day,
and i register myself with full of moody,
and i cried for whole night before that day,
i tried to kill myself that time and lucky that i didn't.
i reached my campsite by bus,
i'm alone to face anything when the first day,
i'm afraid that i will making trouble,
i'm afraid that i can sustain until the end,
but that's all is only a beginning.
i tried to be prefect during this program,
i tried to be mature during this program,
i tried to be strong during this program,
and some target that i set early,
and i success it.
during this program i thought i will be ALONE,
but i didn't mentioned that i have many friends beside me.
still remember that i fail my "bless test" in the first time,
i fall down when the speed going fast,
i just wanna to be strong,
but i don't know why i still can't improve myself,
i JUST want prove that i'm also can done well!!!
but my friend didn't laugh me at all and support me until the end,
that's time i told myself must raise myself.
and until the end,i success it.
i'm happy that i can running non-stop,
i'm happy that i can doing many things that i never expected,
i'm happy that i have many friends that never avoid me.
during the program,i damn miss my home,
my mind and thinking all are about "home",
but i'm felt regret now,
cause i never appreciate the moment that together with my beloved friends,
cause i never think about my friends and thought i'm ALONE,
my friends make me strong and i will never forget,
i appreciate what's the thing that given by God,
and i will never forget that what happening inside the camp,
we eat together,sleep together,gossip together and so on,
i will never forget i'm always joke with my friend,
i will never forget that i'm always disturb the people who trying to sleep,
i will remember all the things that happening inside this program.
i never expected that i will cried today,
i tried to control my feeling but seriously,
i fail to do so and i cried like a kid today,
and i felt sad and pain when leave my friends,
i'm afraid that i won't meet them again,
i'm afraid that i will forget what we done together,
but now,the end of the story,
it's become a history and i won't happened again,
may God bless me can meet my friends again.
i will never forget that i have an awesome memories.
i can't mentioned that i became mature than before.
(i'm weak in english,i hope you all can understand what i wrote)

挣扎...

原以为只要努力，
我们就能改变自己的命运，
但是我还是错了，
最后我还是被命运操控...

去年受到了国名服务通知，
我整个人几乎快奔溃了，
那个时候还是考试时间，
根本就没有心情在考试...

那悲哀的感情我不懂，
那悲哀的心情谁懂？
那怜悯的眼神自己给，
那可悲的命运还是要面对，
这就是我们所谓的现实...

我的脑总是浮现了许多的疑问，
我在不断地问自己，
我在懊恼着些东西，
我心中压抑着一个不能说的秘密...

有时候为了寻找答案，
我会不惜一切付出代价，
有时候为了面对现实，
弄得我全身都是伤...

以前的自己总是有朋友，
但是毕业了后，
我总是找不到一个说话的人，
因为我忘了什么是友情...